Here's to You Hilden and I just spent the entire night making eachother laugh our asses off. I won't tell you about what, but hopefully once our idiotic humor manifests itself into something tangible, you folks will appreciate it and perhaps even endear yourselves to it. All I have to say on that subject for the moment is this: when the hell did Hilden get talented and how can I continue to ridicule him when his newfound talent looms over me like a menacing shadow?
I'll stop ranting about it since I can't yet tell you what the hell I'm talking about.
What I can talk about is this. Just when I thought nobody on this miserable earth could be more dispicable than Anna Nicole Smith, along comes Paris Hilton and her skanky chum Nicole. If you get a chance to watch Fox's latest experiment in trash television, don't. Trust me, you'll be far more entertained by the Paris Hilton porn video that's circulating the web.
I realize that I haven't discussed the new Pearl Jam album yet, even though it's been out for nearly two weeks. I apologize to all two of you that give a damn. Nevertheless, the album really helped restore my faith in a band that has been a bit disappointing as of late. The album, which is a collection of B-Sides and unreleased stuff - captures the raw emotion and almost naive personality the band had back in its early years. It's a quality that I miss from the almost mechanical and by-the-numbers Pearl Jam that the group has evolved into.
And $15 for 30 songs is a hell of a deal.
This letter came about a week ago, but it got lost in the shuffle:
Gleaming the Cube? That falls into the "Thanks for making me remember that.", category. Along with things like Space Jam, Ralph Machio, and Spandau Ballet. *shiver*
Got my stuff in the mail (thanks for that), and on the same day also arrived my Two Towers: EE DVD, and, most important of all, Bumfights 2! Which is the main reason I'm writing, have you ever seen Bumfights? Its truly out of control. While I'm not to sure about the social commentary of twenty-somethings being so bored they pay bums to fight each other, it IS the best "Scared Straight" video(s) ever made. If watching some bum eat an entire raw frog (and a big one at that), for a Guitar, then pawn it off the same night for some crack, doesn't scare kids away from drugs, I don't know what will. Check it out here.
Bumfights...
Just when I'm starting to feel good about society, this shit appears in my inbox. I've actually seen these DVDs in stores, but haven't given them a second glance.
Foot in Mouth Disease Regarding yesterday's Stephen King rant and my claim that only a small handful of movies based on Stephen King novels were any good, Nate has this to say:
shawshank redemption... misery... stand by me... the green mile... creepshow... deloris claiborne... all pretty good. and so is maximum overdrive goddammit. and the running man and the dead zone. and cat's eye. and i kinda liked apt pupil and needful things. and fuckin silver bullet.
cujo ain't even half bad- nor creepshow 2. and Christine is cool to watch here and there afternoons on UPN.
Nate
Well I'll be damned if Nate didn't stick my own foot in my mouth for me. Ok, I'll give you Shawshank, Misery, Stand By Me, The Green Mile, Running Man, etc. But Maximum Overdrive? Unless you're talking pure B-Movie humor value, I can't really follow you on that one. Nor can I go with Cujo, Creepshow, or Christine.
However, to be completely honest, I totally forgot that Shawshank and Stand By Me were Stephen King stories. Those are some great movies!
So I stand corrected. There were other good Stephen King movies besides The Shining and Carrie. That doesn't change the fact that Dreamcatcher sucked.
Thanks for the list, Nate.
This news, while not completely unexpected, pisses me off to no end. If there was one game I was looking forward to this holiday, it was Ninja f-in Gaiden, as one of our forums members put it. Now I'm stuck with nothing but Prince of Persia, Rainbow Six 3, Viewtiful Joe, Double Dash, Mario & Luigi, Crimson Skies, Beyond Good & Evil...
[Deep Breath]
...Sword of Mana, Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, Project Gotham Racing 2, Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando, Metal Arms, Deus Ex 2, Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, etc.
What will I do with all the free time without Ninja Gaiden?
Dudditz Sometimes you see a movie that's just so damn hideous you can't help but sit back and think about it for the next day or two. I also think that certain people achieve a level of success and then feel they can put out the most innane, idiot drivel and get away with it. Such is the case with Dreamcatcher, which is based on a story by Stephen King.
I'm just going to get this out of the way immediately: Christine likes bad movies. Her taste in movies is narrow, uninformed, and simplistic. I say this fully confident that she would agree with my assessment. If there's a thriller or drama starring Morgan Freeman, 99 times out of 100 she'll love it. If the criteria of drama, thriller, or Morgan Freeman are not met, 99 times out 100 she'll hate it.
With that in mind, Dreamcatcher set out to be all three and Christine still hated it. It was that bad.
Hilden came by during the last half hour of the movie, sat in on it, and agreed that it was one of the most horrible pieces of crap he'd ever seen. The story goes a little sumpin' like dis:
Four childhood kids rescue a mentally retarded kid from bullies. He in turn gives each of them secret psychic powers that connect them for life. Each year, as adults, they retreat to the woods of New England to go deer hunting. One year, aliens attack the earth and they get caught up in the middle of an army/special ops mission to destroy the aliens. And in the end [I'm not worried about "spoiling" the movie for you as you can't spoil a turd], we find out that the retarded kid (named Dudditz) was an alien who gave them their powers to help save the earth.
I'm relaying this information as a stark warning: avoid this movie as though it were an evil temptress, luring you to your doom. Yes, Mall Rats/Chasing Amy/Dogma/Jay & Silent Bob's Jason Lee is in it, but do not let that tempt you.
Would I be accurate in stating that of all the movies based on Stephen King novels, maybe two or three have been any good? The Shining...Carrie...and...uh...
Help me out here. If you can name any others that weren't utter shit, I'd greatly appreciate it.
My post regarding Mario Kart was deleted due to our site upgrade "experiments", but I won't go over that bit again. I will say that the harder you scratch at the disc, the more you'll be rewarded. Despite this, I still feel Nintendo is making gamers scratch a bit too deep for far too little. While the game is still Mario Kart, which in some dictionaries is synonymous with "fun", I still can't help but feel as though I'm being used.
Ok, so maybe I will retread this path a bit. What irks me the most about the game are the four pitiful multiplayer arenas that you start with. They're simply pathetic. To open up one more arena, you must place first in the 150cc class in the Mushroom Cup. From there, only one more unlockable arena is available. Sure, these unlockable arenas are better than the available four, but they're far from being enough. Where's the depth we got with SSB: Melee?
Again, Nintendo just gives us our crack and we freebase it like Sonny's mother.
Upgrading Down As you may have suspected by our little weekend mishap here on the site, the relaunch is on the cusp of becoming reality. Of course, because I like being non-commital as to not actually be accountable for things such as this, I'll restrain from giving you an exact date. I'll instead either let you be surprised when the new design goes up or whistle innocently when it doesn't.
Either way, Sonny's bound to crash the site at least seventeen more times between now and five hours from now, so thanks for your patience.
Depending on your team of choice, being a sports fan can be a lesson in aggravation, disappointment, and all around self abuse. Watching my beloved Timberwolves lead an entire game by thirteen points over a great Dallas Mavericks team, only to lose said game in the last five minutes is an experience that I seem to be repeating nearly three nights per week. And my fear is that I'm becoming one of those old man sports fans who yells, stomps his feet, and often throws things at his television, thinking those methods may somehow help the cause.
Finding myself flailing my arms in the air and screaming obscenities only to look over and see Christine staring blankly at me has only affirmed the reality of my condition. Luckily, I haven't started painting my chest.
Yet.
I'm going to be upfront with you right now and admit that once again this week, you may not see a lot in the way of featured articles. Reviews, on the other hand, are flying out our asses like diarrhea, so don't worry your pretty little heads about that. I might guarantee that maybe next week everything will not only be back to normal, but far above normal.
Perhaps
See, that's my non-commital thing there. You like that?
