Mad Max Every so often Christine works an evening shift. These are my chances to spend a night alone and pretty much do whatever the hell I want to; be it play a load of video games, have some friends over and get pissed, or watch a shitty movie that I know she would never sit down and watch with me. That was the case this evening.
Before Mel Gibson was the dreamy Hollywood megastar that all middle aged women want to seduce, he was Mad fucking Max. I used to watch these movies with my dad when I was a kid, so last night in the video store I decided to pick up the first one. Some people call it a "cult classic" - whatever the hell that means nowadays. I once heard someone call Thelma and Louise a cult classic. Either way, there's no denying that Mad Max - at least the first one - is a shitty movie. The music doesn't fit the action on the screen, the dialogue is nearly unintelligable at times, and by the time we finally get to the good stuff, the movie only has ten minutes left. Nevertheless, I loved it then as I love it now.
There's a rumor going around that Mad Max 4 is in development and Kevin Smith is going to be writing the script. That is bad ass! Even badder than Tina Turner chanting, "Two men enter; one man leaves"? You're damn right!
Back in Business Well, we're back online and ready to go. I could make an excuse and say the server crashed or something typical like that, but the fault simply lies with incompitence. Alas, the purpose of this column is not to point fingers or name names. So rather than publicly calling Sonny an idiotic fuck, I'll move on to the next topic. (That was sly, wasn't it?)
Well, the New Year is here and I couldn't care less. We had a small gathering at our place on New Year's Eve that was slightly subdued, despite my fully-stocked bar. Perhaps it was because we all felt like we should have been out doing something rather than hanging out in my living room shooting the shit. Nevertheless, Christine put on a hell of a spread, as usual. She's notorious for buying too much food when we have company. It's something of a Martha Stewart-like compulsion she has. There's no way in hell all of that food will ever be eaten, but yet she will inexplicably ask me, "Do you think this is enough, or should I go get some more?" I just nod my head and smile.
Have any of you heard the rumor about the portable GameCube? Head over to Nintendojo for more details. I don't feel like adding fuel to that fire. I've been burned enough by that Megaton bullshit.
I apologize to those of you who may have emailed links or letters in the past couple of days. With our phantom site disappearing act, we also lost access to our email. I'll be cracking at it soon, though, so keep the links and letters coming.
Thanks so much for the screenshots. I am very curious about this game and am looking forward to more details. How did you ever track this site down, it looks realy obscure. Anyway your site rocks I dont know how many times I've written to your staff becaus I'm so impressed by your coverage. Please keep up the incredible job you guys are doing.
Ted.
Thanks a million, Ted. We always appreciate comments. If you haven't already, don't forget to enter our Toxic Grind Contest. We'll be selecting the winners soon.
In case the rest of you don't know what Ted is referring to, I posted a news story earlier today about Nintendo's upcoming RPG, Giftpia, formally known as The Gift.
Ted, to answer your question, Skip Ltd. is actually the developer of Giftpia and Skiptokyo.com is their website. The company is comprised of former Square employees.
While you're visiting their site, browse around a bit and look for something called Punchline. You'll find an interesting little project if you dig far enough...Ok, I'll stop being so secretive. Check out this link. If anyone can tell me what this is, I'll give you a cookie.
Friends I hate the show Friends. Scratch that. I really fucking hate the show Friends. I also hate people who talk about the show Friends. "Oooh, you'd never believe what Chandler said to Monica last night. It was sooo sweet. And then Joey said, 'How you doin'?' and I laughed and laughed and laughed." Ugh.
I used to think that my loathing stemmed from the fact that I once had a girlfriend who made me watch the show every day; sometimes twice. But no. It's just a shitty show.
So in honor of my hatred for the show about a group of thirty-something, hip, urban pricks, here's my synopsis for the perfect Friends episode. Enjoy.
Because Rachel's still not sure who she enjoys banging more, Joey, being the boneheaded Italian dimwit, and Ross, being the soft, sensitive, and eager-to-please pussy both decide to fuse their seeds into the perfect mate for Rachel via some new genetic technology invented by Richard the Optometrist who has turned into a Dreamy Mad Scientist. Richard in turn comes back to get in between Chandler and Monica for the 17,000th time. Chandler, devastated that his new bride would again cast doubt upon their sugar-coated relationship, has a threesome with Phoebe and her twin sister who both become pregnant, but because the massage thing isn't paying very well and Ursula is too ditsy to care for a baby, they allow Phoebe's brother and his old wife to adopt the quintuplets that both of them have.
Meanwhile, Rachel's still not happy with the uber-baby created by Joey and Ross, so she decides to go to the coffee shop and pronounce her love for the albino guy behind the counter. The two go on to create a spin-off show similar to Joanie Loves Chachie and after the show is cancelled after three episodes, we never hear from any of the six friends until five years later, when Vivid Video pays them 10 bajillion dollars each to star in an orgy film where they all bang each other - except for Ross who sits in the corner, sucks his thumb, and whacks off.
MAVAV Wow. This is some funny shit. Before you get all excited and start flaming them, I highly doubt this is a real organization; rather, just somebody out there looking to goof on all the high-strung, pre-teen gaming fanboys out there. And yes, I mean you.
But if it turns out to be real, which I doubt, just let it go, kiddies. Just let it go.
"E3: The Evil Electronics Expo". Holy fuck, that's hilarious.
More on Miyamoto In response to a bit I wrote last week, LODOBAZ writes:
"Miyamoto is not ruining games, he is keeping them alive."
Unfortunately, that's really all he gave me to go on. How, Sir, is he keeping them alive? I fully agree that he is a genius and I still love every game that he has a hand in, despite what his critics say. However, I feel that the games industry as a whole is doing quite well and isn't relying on Miyamoto to keep it alive. Perhaps an explanation is in order?
No, no. Miyamoto is certainly not ruining games by keeping his youthful outlook and refusing to add mature content to his projects. Contrary to the opinion held by many that his genius could propel the gaming industry further if he used his mystical powers to appeal to an older audience, I'm quite happy with his whimsical style of game design.
Why is it that so many feel that "realistic", mature elements are the only things that can give our industry the legitimacy it deserves? Why are so many in such a state of penis envy? "Our dick is bigger than the movie industry's dick! Let's prove it!"
I'm happy taking a whimsical trip back to Hyrule. I'm content to guide little walking carrots through Miyamoto's garden. And when I want to get a little grittier, there are plenty of options for me to chose from. I know I don't want to see "Peach Does the Mushroom Kingdom" any time soon.
I Hope I Die Before I Get Old Such were the words of Pete Townshend sung by Roger Daltry so many years ago. Now it appears that these two remaining members of The Who will be recording another Who album, reported here. Never mind the fact that their legendary drummer, Keith Moon, died nearly 25 years ago. Never mind that bassist John Entwhistle died last year just before they were to launch their "comeback" tour. Never mind the fact the the aforementioned tour drained the remaining hearing Townshend had, leaving him virtually deaf. Nope, none of that matters when pretty-boy lead singer needs money. Apparently royalties from Dodge commercials and CSI shows aren't enough to support the coke habit of an aging rock star. And "aging" is an understatement.
What happened to that generation? Between this and The Doors going on a psuedo-reunion tour with Stewart Copeland from the Police and Ian Whats-his-name from The Cult, I'm pretty damn disgusted. So much for peace, love, and freedom from "The Man". Nah, not when there are endorsement deals to rake up.
Hey, maybe we'll get another Rolling Stones arena tour next summer! Wouldn't that rule?
Back to Life I finally ended my holiday marathon of pain yesterday by seeing A Christmas Carol at the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis. My last visit there was to see Patrick Stewart in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf?", which was quite the production.
Yesterday's show was also pretty entertaining, despite my disdain for all things sappy; especially when they pertain to the holiday season.
Now that this holiday madness is winding down, I'm finally able to get back to the everyday things in life. Namely: video games. I have the unfortunate burden of having a massive inventory of titles to catch up on and little to no time to catch up on them. I received a total of eight games from Santa/Christine this year and I'm afraid that only a small fraction of them will get any attention before the spring. I guess I could have bigger, more significant problems, but it's a real pain in the ass having a stack of AAA games and no time to play them. Ah well.
Every site has them, so right now I'm working on GWX's obligatory annual awards feature. I can pretty much predict what this year's winners are going to be just by looking at the first round ballot returns. However, it seems that there may be some surprises for our readers as our editors have picked more obscure titles that may have been overlooked by other gaming sites. Expect to see the feature next week.
