The opinions expressed in this feature are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of GamingWorld X or its staff members. (Translation: Sue John, not us).
Profile It's been a long time coming, but Sonny has finally finished our "Meet the Staff" page. When reading a review for a game, it's a good idea to know if that reviewer has anything in common with the reader, so the idea behind this page is for you to get a better idea of who we are, what we like, etc.
Now that it's posted, I'm not so sure it was a good idea. I mean, just look at Sonny's! Here's a snippet:
"Conceived in the outback of South Africa from the woom of a rabid kangaroo, he was born covered in some type of Chinese guacomole. He attributes this to the kangaroo eating Mexican food during its pregnancy."
I mean, overlook for a moment that he mispelled "womb" and remember that this is the guy steering the boat! The man in charge! I think we should put a disclaimer at the top of each profile similar to the one at the beginning of this feature. It would read:
"The 'humor' displayed in this person's bio is his/her own and does not necessarily reflect the humor of GWX in general. In other words, just because this person sounds like a stupid fuck, doesn't mean he is and certainly doesn't mean everyone on this staff is."
Anyway, be sure to check out the page any time you're interested in finding out more about the dolt that wrote the article you're reading.
In other news, Nathan writes:
"I really hope your kidding about not knowing what Buckaroo Banzai is. If you're not, i have lost all respect for you. GOOD DAY, SIR!"
Well now, losing respect from a total stranger is something I will not tolerate, so I promptly did a bit more research on the movie. For those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, read the "I Never New!" bit below.
Here's a bit of a review from Amazon:
"The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai: Across the 8th Dimension is one of the most agreeably insane movies ever made. Peter Weller stars as Buckaroo, an acclaimed neurosurgeon, particle physicist, and, of course, rock star. He travels with the Hong Kong Cavaliers, a band of hard-rocking scientists who are also really good dressers. Buckaroo's interdimensional experiments with his Operation Overthruster throw him (and the Earth) straight into the middle of an alien war, and before you know it, he's got just a few hours to save the world."
Well I'll be damned if Amazon didn't recommend a movie that sounds right up my alley. Nathan, my new friend, thanks for the bitch slap. At $5, I'll be sure to check it out.
I can't really tell what this is, but Miyuru assures me that it will make this column the "best feature ever". Unfortunately, the damn thing doesn't load properly on my computer so let me know if it is indeed cool or just another example of Miyuru's flaming idiocy. Don't stick up for him. He loves the abuse.
By the way, a fairly reliable source indicated to me that Nintendo will announce that it has bought both Sega and Capcom on Tuesday. This is a rumor, folks. Not news. So if Tuesday rolls around and nothing happens, don't come back to me crying. I'm just putting it out there.
And with that, I'm off to enjoy my weekend. Enjoy yours as well, my friends.
Michael When I asked for contributions and links, etc., this is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about. Play as Hitler as you catch babies that Michael Jackson drops from windows. Holy shit!
"I think that column is a great idea. That is why I like this site so much. Your stuff on here is fresh and just plain cool. I really enjoy this site. I hope you have a darn yippy skippy time with your new column.
Best of Luck,
Bahamut"
Well right back at ya, sir. And many happy returns.
See, write in and you too could see your name in lights.
By the way, thanks to those that turned me on to some cool online Manga yesterday. Keep those suggestions coming.
For some time now I've been meaning to pass this link along to you, our loyal readers. Being a former/future musician, I'm somewhat overly critical of the shit they prepackage and pass off as music on the radio these days. It's hard for me to find a single damn thing to listen to that doesn't make me want to tea bag the corporate coke-sniffer that put the shit out.
Enter Ipecac Records. Run by former Faith No More/Mr. Bungle singer and all-around rock icon virtuoso Mike Patton, Ipecac houses all sorts of kick ass music that, ironically, doesn't make me want to puke. (Get it? Ipecac? Puke? Aren't I clever?)
So see that link up there? Put down that shitass Limp Bizkit and whatever other corporate B.S. you're listening to and click it.
The Funny Papers It's no secret around here how much I love Penny Arcade. If you haven't been to their site or read their stuff in the Official Playstation Magazine, get over there now. You'll piss yourself.
I was recently passed this link for a comic called "Men in Hats", which is also pretty damn good and even comes with a bit of a philosophical twist from time to time. Learnin' while you laugh, I suppose. Check it out.
As always, feel free to pass along any sort of link you think I or your fellow GWX readers would be interested in. I'm actually looking for some sort of online Manga, but am having trouble finding something that trips my trigger. Any suggestions?
Man, so far it's been comics, Garbage Pail Kids, and DVDs. Perhaps next time I'll write about applying for a home mortgage or how to plan a wedding.
Garbage Pail Kids I know many of our readers are too young to remember the Garbage Pail Kids so I thought I'd pass along the link for the uninformed.
GPK were a set of trading cards put out by Topps that spoofed the Cabbage Patch Kid phenomenon of the mid-80s and featured a massive collection of gross-out pictures of cartoon kids picking their noses, farting, getting drunk, and other devious, but hilarious acts.
When I was a kid, these things were my life (outside of gaming, of course). Up Chuck, Snotty Lottie, Lem Phlegm, and the rest of the gang occupied a great deal of mine and my friends' time. We traded them, laughed at them, and collected the shit out of them.
While I was at my mom's house last weekend for a little bit of pre-holiday family fun, I found my collection in the attic. Hoo boy, the memories came flooding back. My bus would drop me off each day after school right outside the Ben Franklin store and I would spend my daily milk money on a package of Garbage Pail Kids. By looking at the gigantic card album that's sitting at my desk right now, I'd estimate that my collection sits at about 200-300 cards.
Mark my words: it's only a matter of time before these suckers make a comeback and then I'll be rich!
What's the point of this? There is none. Get with the program.
I Never New! I shop at Amazon.com with some frequency and I've found their customer recommendations to be quite amusing. Apparently they have some sort of uber-technological wizardry that traces your purchasing history, browsing history, and through that somehow they are able to tell you exactly what products they have that you'll be interested in. I've never checked out what the cyber-gods deem as John-worthy material before today and I was amazed to find out that I was interested in these things.
In the DVD category, my tastes appear to range from Peter Sellers' Casino Royale, Raquel Welch's Fathom (Ooh-la-la!), and something called "The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension". I'm not joking. Others include The Royal Tenenbaums, Monster's Ball, and Training Day. Ok, so Buckaroo Banzai and a Raquel Welch skin flick are somewhat questionable, but for the most part I'd say they did pretty well.
Music, amazingly, was also fairly accurate with my recommendations ranging from Miles Davis to Beck, The Hives, B.M.R.C., and Wilco. They even nailed my strange predilection for Willie Nelson! I thought that was my own dirty little secret. Now if the list were peppered with Britney Spears or Creed, then I may have had a few issues.
Apparently all I've ever purchased in the way of video games from Amazon were 'Cube products as all the recommendations were for the GameCube or other Nintendo consoles.
Where it really gets interesting (and astonishing) is when we get to my book recommendations. Sure, there is the occasional John Cage book or experimental music/art-related book from my college days, but it turns out Amazon.com feels that I'm really in touch with my feminine side. So much that after I'm through writing this entry I may go check down below for a vagina. Why in the hell would I ever even consider buying an Oprah book? It's not enough that this queen of darkness brainwashes my fiancee daily at 4:00, but why would I ever voluntarily put myself through that hell? I mean, littered amongst the experimental music and eastern philosophy books are countless wife-beater novels straight out of the Lifetime Network. I never knew I had such a taste for this sort of thing. While after school specials and Meredith Baxter-Burney made-for-TV movies have never really been my cup of tea, these are the sorts of things I'm into according to the powers that be at Amazon.com.
Of course Amazon also tells me I'd enjoy a LEGO Bionicle set as well, so perhaps inside I'm just a little boy longing to succle at the tit.
Initiation Hello All. Welcome to a new feature we're trying out at GWX called "Cooking with John". I know, lame title, but it's better than "John's Diary" or "Hangin' with Mr. Luedtke" or something like that. Basically, this feature is a forum for me to say whatever the hell I want to say about whatever the hell I want to talk about. I'll be updating irregularly, sometimes multiple times per day as things come up. I'm also going to be including reader letters to some extent, although that function will still be served by our X-Communication feature. The main difference is that letters covered here can be whatever you want to talk about; not necessarily gaming.
Feel free to send in links, news tidbits, and scraps of info pertaining to whatever is on your mind or whatever you find interesting. I'll be sure to post anything that tickles my fancy.
The deal is, we're going to try this out for a while until either I get bored with it or the hate mail drives me insane. Just keep in mind, it's a laid back format where pretty much anything goes. That being said, always feel free to drop me a line here with comments, suggestions, or if you just want to shoot the shit a little. I'm open.
