I Forgot! All that time spent having fun at other peoples' expense caused my mind to drift and forget to tell you about R-Type Final.
The game feels like home; at least to an R-Type fan. The first couple levels may throw you for a loop by inserting you into unusual territory, but by levels three and four, that familiar R-Type feeling comes rushing back. Unfortunately, that familiar R-Type slowdown is also there to greet you. Yes it's true, the game does bog down a bit when waves of bullets and enemy ships flood the screen, but what would R-Type be without the slowdown?
Luckily, the great R-Type strategy play is there to make up for the technicalities. For upstart shooter enthusiasts unfamiliar with the R-Type franchise, don't expect lighting speed. R-Type is a thinking man's shooter. To top it off, the game is gorgeous and the music is superb.
You may have noticed that Sonny has placed a little blurb at the bottom of every page that reads, "Unsatisfied with what you just read? Click here and tell us why."
And wouldn't you guess that the anonymity provided by the internet would invite the idiots out of the woodwork. Here are some of our better responses. And yes, I will print their email addresses to crush that whole anonymity theory.
Full Name: ken moyer
E-mail Address: kenmoyer@hotmail.com
Visit Frequency: this is my first time and I will never visit you again you shit!
Recent Articles I have Read: I read one about MGS3. The context was okay but the release date is about a year off and that sucks you fuck!
Design and Navigation Thoughts: Just shut up will you
General thoughts on GWX Articles: I won't come here again so its no use telling you right.
Other Feedback: maybe I'll tell when you remake your site because it sucks. I can't suggest everything cause it sucks.
Wow, Ken. Thanks for the feedback. Stay out of trouble at recess.
Here's another:
Full Name: ?????
E-mail Address: koopa@merseymail.com
Visit Frequency: ?
Recent Articles I have Read: final fantasy chrystal chronicles
Design and Navigation Thoughts: crap.
Favorite Content Types: Reviews, Previews, Features
General thoughts on GWX Articles: pictures of games would be great
Other Feedback: pictures picturs pictures!
I guess Koopa wants more pictures. Thanks for the input, buddy.
And one more:
Full Name: Dipol
E-mail Address: dipolx@poczta.onet.pl
Other Feedback: "I can’t recommend a purchase to any but the biggest Fallout fans"
LoL
Well, at least we know he's reading. Thanks for the quote.
We also get some pretty amusing staff applications here at GWX. I'll skip the name to protect the stupid:
Age: 15 Country: The Netherlands I want to be: Reviewer Experience: no Special Attributes: well i read the pc zone and the pu every weak and im a great writher My work: My stuff
Well, you crazy Dutch bastard, I'm not sure what a "writher" is, but we ain't needin' none of that here. Isn't that weird?
Todd sent over this email today. While it's not really that stupid, per se, I have no idea what to make of it or why he would ask me.
Our Japanese club wants to make t-shirts for 20 students and use the logo of "Genjuro". Who do I go about asking permission for that.
Todd
Todd, my man, my guess would be to seek out the creators of Genjuro and ask them. Perhaps they have an official site or an email address you could try out.
Alright, enough of that. Let's get to some real letters.
Sup John?
The new nintendo DS or whatever it is sounds totally amazing. Even if all that's true is that it is gonna have two screens, that's still cool. And what's all this hubbub about the Virtual Boy? Sure, it failed, but it was amazing. ^.^ I have two upstairs linked together that I play every now and then, some Nester's Funky Bowling, or the amazing Mario Clash. Either way, I hope this new handheld is cool. =D
I don't know if you're into them or not, but what I think is gonna be the end-all MMORPG for along time just started beta sign ups, World of Warcraft. It's actually got what I consider the balance wheel right, (Casters beat tanks, tanks beat rogues, rogues beat casters, that kinda thing) unlike a lot of MMORPG's out there. Plus it's a Blizzard game. ^.^
Anyways, I was bored today, so some friends and I plugged in Smash Brother's Melee, and man, it's been a while since we hopped into that. I really hope there's something in line for a sequel, with even more characters. ^.^ You still play that at all, I mean Smash is like a party game legend. If so, who's yer character? I personally enjoy Marth, Young Link, then Ice Climbers. ^.^ Wouldn't it be awesome if they came out with an online version?
Man... I'm rambling and it's too late. Good luck on the move and all... ~Don
Ok Don, let's start from the beginning. First of all, it would be cool if you refrained from using the word "sup". Nothing personal. It's just that sup happens to be Sonny's word of choice and reminding me of Sonny is not a good idea. It sends me into fits of rage.
No onto your letter. I'm glad at least some of our readers are keeping an open mind about the DS. And yes, I did enjoy the Virtual Boy. Was it a landmark system? Not by any means. But it was pretty cool for its time and I'm the kind of gamer that can enjoy just about anything as long as it's fun. Word? Word.
I have to admit not being too fond of the MMORPG scene. I tried getting on the Everquest bandwagon about four years ago when it was white hot, but didn't really enjoy myself. Then, when Sony hooked us up as beta testers for the console version, I gave it another whirl. However, I think True Fantasy Live Online might fix all of that. It doesn't hurt that I adore Xbox Live, but TFLO really looks like it's going to be right up my alley. Besides, with me moving out to the seclusion of the burbs, I'm going to need all the virtual company I can get.
I was a big fan of the original Smash Brothers and played the living piss out of it. For this reason, it confuses me just as it will surely confuse you when I say that I didn't enjoy Melee?
What?
No kidding. There was just something about the control that really bugged me. I recognize the game's greatness, but I just couldn't get past the use of the analog control stick. Perhaps I should give it a go with the Hori controller.
Hmm...food for thought.
Alessandro's up to bat with more talk about Janet's mammary:
Ciao John, Okay, so we italians (or europeans for that matter) don't give a flyin' shit about american football and/or SuperBowl, but this year "surprise" has been worthy...they say it wasn't intentional, but COME ON, was Madonna, Christina Aguilera and Britney's number intentional? Of course not, as i am the king of Atlantide.
What next? Ben Affleck flashing his dick in the NBA Finals? I sure hope not.
Anyway, keep on cookin' -aleZ-
Anyone who believes it wasn't intentional might also believe that Hilden is indeed a man. Sure, he puts up a good front, but he's not fooling anybody.
That was cheap.
Ted writes:
is there a way to chang the money system so as to where each player is responsible fo rthier own money??
The short answer is: no.
Hey, it turns out the long answer is no as well. Amazing how that works.
So we've all seen Janet's booby. I'm so giddy it hurts. It seems that Janet's silver areola is all anybody can talk about today. Personally, I'm most disappointed in how nobody seems to be fessing up that yes, it was intentional. I mean, listen to pussy boy Justin Timberlake's apology:
"I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl," he said in a statement. "It was not intentional and is regrettable.
Wardrobe malfunction.
Wardroble malfunction.
Justin, you pussy.
So anyway, I've pretty much had my fill of Jacksons for a while. I hope you'll understand.
Tonight we're finally posting our Zodiac hands-on feature. I'd like to thank the folks at Tapwave for giving us the opportunity to review the unit and a load of its games. It really is something special, even if at the moment only a handful of people know what it is. When you get a moment, please check out the article and write in with your thoughts and comments. Hilden and I would appreciate it as I know would Tapwave.
Well the Super Bowl has come and gone. Yes, the last quarter was especially entertaining, but I just couldn't bring myself to be amused. I mean, if this was a regular season game between these two teams, would anybody really give a shit? Not me. But yes, I still watched. We all did.
I was considering dubbing this entry "Fat, White, and Rich". Our friend Scotty came over to watch the game and during a break in play, the camera cut to a man sitting in a luxury box. Scotty remarked that the man must have been an owner. "Why do you say that?" I inquired. He replied, "Because he's fat, white, and rich."
A logical deduction.
You may notice that Drunken Gamers hasn't been posted today and that the new version of the Spin Gate (which I hope you enjoyed) remains. Hilden and I are hard at work to bring you the Zodiac hands on feature that we've been promising for what seems like an eternity, and you can expect that to be posted Monday evening. Sonny and I decided that we'd showcase Paul, Joe, and Nick's great feature for one more day in case you missed it over the weekend.
Phil writes:
Hey man,
I'm getting really pissed off with all this recent Nintendo hate going on since the DS announcement. Look - everyone calm down and give Nintendo a chance for fucks sake. I mean come on, we know almost nothing about the system or games right now so why all the bitchin?
Wait until E3 when we know more about it. Man it seems like they are the only company trying something original and all we do is slag the product off before we know what it is! No wonder why companies are becoming less willing to take risks in favour of original concepts and ideas.
Ok rant over :)
On another note, John tell us more about PC Genjin! I'm really starting to like the idea of getting this and Adventure Island, any chance of some more info or reviews??
Later, Philth
Nintendo is a mixed bag of curiosities. I can understand how people get upset with their announcements, decisions, and strategies. However, I've come to the point where I just sit back and let time tell the tale. I'll buy whatever bauble, console, or useless piece of shit they release anyway, and odds are that I'll be at least mildly entertained by it. That's all I ask. I don't ask that they dominate the industry, blow my mind every time, or stroke my ego by making all my wishes and predictions come true. I just ask that Nintendo continues to entertain me. And you know what? They've been doing just that for twenty years. I am a satisfied customer.
For those of you who don't know what PC Genjin is, Phil was referring to the Japanese release of Bonk's Adventure for the GameCube, which I mentioned briefly last week. Phil, I'm working on getting a review done for it and should have it finished by the end of the week, depending on how my schedule pans out. I know, it's very late as the game's been in my queue since the day it was released, well over a month ago. Unfortunately, Drunken Gamers and this column have been eating up a good deal of my time. Rest assured, you'll have a detailed verdict on the game shortly. But the bottom line is any self-respecting Bonk fan will love this game. It's very well done.
Speaking of Turbo titles:
Hello!
Just wanted to thank you for your article on Gate of Thunder. The Duo continues to be my favorite "retro" system and it's nice to see that others remember it as well. :)
Thanks again! Brian
Wow, Brian, that's one old article. I'm glad you found it and enjoyed it. Gate of Thunder is still one of my favorite shooters, although shooter purists might scoff at that notion. It's just a great game no matter how you look at it. Crisp, clean graphics, rockin' stereo sound, and tons of action. Plus, Bonk's Adventure, Bonk's Revenge, and Bomberman are included on the disc! How can you go wrong?
Jon writes:
I've heard that Prince Of Persia The Sands Of Time is an incredible game and I've read your review about it. I'm certainly going to get it but before I do I need your opinion on something. I have a PC and an Xbox and I don't know which console to get the game for.
Which console would you say the game would fit best?
Jon
Well Jon, I'm a console guy, myself. So naturally I'd go with the Xbox version. Of the three console versions, it can be argued that the Xbox is the one to get. I prefer the Cube controller, but that's neither here nor there. I guess it just depends on where you'd rather play it: at your PC or on your couch. Additionally, I'm not sure what unlockable features the game has on PC, but I'm sure they're comparable, if not equal to the Xbox version. But if I were to make a quick call, I'd go Xbox. I hope that helps in some way.
So that's it for me. If you get a chance, stop out and see Monster. You'll thank me later.
