Elation and Let Down I got my GBA-SP today and it's simply amazing how much difference a lit screen can make. Word to Nintendo for releasing a handheld the right way, and shame on them for not doing it in the first place.
I also picked up Batman: Dark Tomorrow. I've been looking forward to this game for what seems like a decade now. I even held off on getting Batman: Vengence because this game looked to be the better of the two. I've played the game for just under an hour now and am disgusted with what I see. Awkward controls, clumsy angles, and trial and error gameplay. How dare they treat The Bat this way?! I will give it more of an opportunity to redeem itself of its early shortcomings before I render a verdict, but as of right now the outlook isn't looking very positive.
Hilden and I had a brief round of Lords of Thunder and Bonk's Revenge on the Turbo Duo last night. I nearly wept...
Warren writes: Just wanted to say that I think you put it perfectly. Bush is the president, and therefore we have to pretty much go with it if he wants war... but it is incredibly dangerous to do so because of religious beliefs. People are finding it harder and harder to keep in mind the whole "seperation of Church and State" thing. So, even if you do get a ton of hate mail from it, just wanted to let you know that I thought you were dead-on.
Thanks, man. As you all probably noticed, I'm very uncomfortable discussing such important and touchy issues as these. Let's all just hug and be friends and talk about video games and poop from now on, ok?
Larry Takes a Bite Out of the Apple Ok, Larry. Here's what Hilden's got to say about your new home:
If you're thinking affordable, try Central Wisconsin. Not to be too sarcastic about it but the terms afforable and NYC don't mix too well together. Most of my friends who work in the city live outside of it. Unless you have friends inside the city who you can share rent with, your best bet would be to live in the Jersey area or even in Philly. Sure, you have a bit of a commute, but the train system in that area is great and makes it a bit more tolerable. Not by much, but that's the price you pay to live in that area.
I have some friends who live in Trenton, NJ and love it. One is a jazz musician and plays in the city on a regular basis and makes the commute fine. If you're desperate to live in the city proper, I have no idea what to tell you other than to get ready for some OUTRAGEOUS rent prices. Maybe in Queens, but even then you'll be lucky to find something both safe and affordable.
Here's a site you might want to look at to help get you started.
Hope that helps.
So there you have it. Old Lady Hilden can be a pretty nice guy when he's not teething.
Everything in its Right Place It looks as though NEC came to their senses and delayed Tube Slider a few weeks. Long enough for me to get my adventures in Hyrule out of the way so I can properly enjoy their re-entry to the US gaming scene. I really hope the game sells well enough to encourage them to do more. Yes, I am hinting here.
Humor me for a moment while I preface the next part of this entry. I respect each and every one of you and your opinions and your beliefs. Honestly. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, this is one reason why I tend to keep the discussion herein relatively light. I ramble about my misadventures of being an engaged man, tell you how Hilden and I got pissed and played some game, or crack jokes about N'Sync. It's all relatively innocent and harmless. Every now and then I tend to get a bit on the edgy side, but it's all usually watered down with a fart joke or something similar. Sugar, as they say, makes the medicine go down.
I shy from telling you about my religious beliefs, political views, and whatnot because it's my own personal business, as your beliefs are yours. And maybe another part of me just doesn't want to turn this little column of mine into a members only club, where certain people feel uncomfortable visiting because their values don't necessarily jive with mine.
Let me emphasize this again: I respect all of you and your views.
And now onto Heather's letter:
Howdy John!
I tried to send this off to you once, but it didn't work so I try again. This letter at first began with vague ramblings, which I will this time spare you of. Perhaps I should use the word "attempt" to spare you of because this qualifies as vague ramblings. Oh well, stuff happens...
I like your site alot... Cooking with John especially, but I can't help but notice that it is very... male. I wonder if you know that we female gamers do visit this site frequently. What do you think of girl gamers? I'm one of them, and it seems to me a lot of gaming related everythings fail to think of us... oh well again.
I've got the TV on CNN... Bombs are going off in Baghdad. I think it's pretty scary. A marine unit has now crossed into Iraq. What do you think of this whole war? President Bush? As a Christian, I really support Bush. I like that he does not try to hide his faith. I think he believes that this war is what God is telling him to do, so I support him. I don't like the war though... I don't think anyone does... what are your thoughts?
Alright, that's about all I have to say! Hope to hear from ya!
~Heather
As per usual, let's start from the beginning. First of all, thanks for the kind words. At GWX, we've found that our readers are incredibly loyal. I won't get into the specifics of it all, but our Orwellian overlord, Sonny, has crazy methods of figuring out how many regular, loyal visitors we have, and what percentage of our visitors come back on a regular basis. The figures are impressive, to say the least. So anyway, thanks for being so kind.
How do I feel about girl gamers? Hm...I guess I feel the same about them as I do about guy gamers in that we're all part of our little secret society, aren't we? We know the Miyamoto handshake and the Naka password. What? You don't? Well then, nevermind. Forget I said anything.
Yeah, I realize that my ramblings are a bit male-centric at times, but I am, after all, male. But I do sympathize with the plight of the female gamer. I mean, just look at any gaming ad and you'll see a big breasted chick on the front sporting a huge gun. I think gaming may be a tough niche to crack for the girl gamer as most of it revolves around the action genre. Who do most action flicks cater to in the movie industry? Men. I do believe, however, that games are making progress by having more and more women protagonists as well as having more issues that women can relate to. Now, I'm not foreseeing any games made by the Lifetime Network, but I also feel that it is a mistake made by many to think that women actually want games made by the Lifetime Network; if you catch my drift. As far as I know, female gamers aren't that different than male gamers, other than the whole body odor factor.
Damn, I hope I'm not sticking my foot in my mouth with this whole thing. What I mean to say is, asking me what I think of girl gamers is a tough question to answer. I'd like to see more of them but I realize that sometimes the gaming industry and its marketing tactics don't exactly make things very welcoming.
Now, since I've probably already dug myself into a hole with you (believe me, I do it every day with Christine), let's move on to the last bit of your letter, keeping in mind what I said earlier.
You ask me what I think of the war and what I think of President Bush. As I said about a week ago, I don't really feel qualified to discuss these sorts of topics in a public forum. Honestly, I don't really know what to think. And perhaps that's just me being a non-commital pussy, afraid to take a stance and fight for it. But while the punk rocker in me tells me not to trust the government and that everything is a conspiracy, the other half tells me (perhaps naively), "I'm sure they know what they're doing." I just know that Bush and his administration are in charge and at the moment, they call the shots. I'm not going to get started on the whole election debacle because the guy I voted for wasn't even a factor in it.
I will say this - and I believe it firmly - hearing anyone, whether it be Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, or even George W. Bush say "God is on our side" really frightens the hell out of me. Religion is a powerful and potentially dangerous thing and to mix one's beliefs with war can be disastrous.
What I wish people would keep in mind is that Bush represents the entire nation and has the entire nations' well being to care for. That includes not only Christians, but also Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, Hindus, Athiests, Agnostics, etc. That's our country and that's what I meant when I said that I respect every single one of your beliefs. That's the fantastic nature of being an American. If George W. Bush wants to go to war, that's one thing. But if it's because, as you put it, "he believes that this war is what [his] God is telling him to do", that's a whole other can of worms; and a dangerous one at that. Osama bin Laden also believes that his God is on his side.
Heather, I hope I didn't offend you - or any of our other readers, for that matter. I told you guys, this is a dangerous subject for us to tackle and one that I do reluctantly. But out of respect for you, I choose to publish your letters and answer your questions honestly.
Please, if you have the urge to clutter my inbox with hate mail, resist that urge and understand that I don't necessarily disagree with you. I just want all sides to be looked at.
And since there's no easy way to segue into a fart joke...
Did anyone else catch that thing on MTV they ran last Thursday? It was called True Life: I’m a Gamer, and looked at 3 different, but very hardcore gamers. One was a champion at Unreal Tournament 2003, one had won several tournaments of the quintessential bar game, Golden Tee, and the last was a group of people living in a house and sharing a number of consoles and TVs.
While I appreciate the TV time recieved outside of Tech TV and G4 about this gaming habit that we lovingly feed, I will say that any show which paints gamers as the the type who "practice" 8-12 hours a day on their customized computers isn’t going to do much for those of us who are more moderate, and more responsible. (The show depicted one gamer who came home during his lunch break and returned to work 45 minutes late because he was caught up in a game of SOCOM).
Still...I really, really want to win a $50,000 check for being a gamer.
I actually did catch the show at about 1am on Sunday morning. I was flipping through the channels when I spotted none other than Mr. Pac Man, Billy Mitchell going on and on about hot sauce. In case any of you missed the article, Hilden and I met Mr. Mitchell last summer at the Mall of Pain in Minneapolis.
I found the whole show to be rather amusing. Especially the Golden Tee guy, as he appears to be the poster boy for every sports bar flunkee I've ever come across. But I must say that I was very impressed with Fatal1ty and his incredible skill. Say what you will, but that dude's making six figures by participating in gaming tournaments. More power to him, I say. And the guys living in their communal gaming hellhole? Lord help them...
Larry's looking for advice:
John,
Thanks for featuring my letter on the site. Wasn't that shit great?? Anyway, I know this is a weird question, but you might be able to at least POINT me to someone if you can't help me yourself. I live in Pensacola (that's synonomus with Nowheresville), FL. Soon I'll be moving to NYC (because I'm crazystupid or something...) for a job as, wait for it...a flight attendent. As soon as you're done laughing, read ahead.
I know NOTHING about NYC. I've never been there. Hell, I've never even seen pictures that friends took of the city. So I'm wondering if you know of any nice areas up there. When I say "nice" I really mean "affordable, yet cozy and not as scary as the rest of New York" if that makes any sense.
If you don't, how about your readers? Also, if ass-kissing will get me anywhere, it's not beneath me. In fact, I check the site several times a day while I'm work just to see if you've updated your column. I love reading Cooking With John. Sorry, I mean, I LOVE reading Cooking With John!! About you and Christine's holiday misadventures and your intolerance of people giving opinions in public forums like bumpers and whatnot (which you'd never do, right? Haha. Ha.). Smart stuff there bucko. Regardless though, I really do enjoy your material. Help a guy out. Especially since I'm only 20 and will be moving alone.
And don't think I'm crazy, I'm just ready. Thanks a bunch.
Have a better one, Larry
Well, Larry, despite your impressive ass kissing and the fact that I'd love to help you out, I am but a resident of fly-over country and am afraid that I don't know a thing about NYC. Amazingly, I've been all around this great big world and I've seen all kinds of girls, but I've never made it to the Big Apple. Hilden has, however, and if I can get him off the tit for a minute, I'll try to get him to lend some advice to you. In the meantime, if any of you out there have any advice or suggestions for Larry, send them in to me and I'll be sure to forward them his way.
Malaise Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I've got a few letters to publish, but probably won't get around to doing so until Thursday. I can barely lift my head to groan about how shitty of a week I've had. It all culminated with having to stick $700 into my piece of crap, '91 Mazda Protege yesterday. Hell, that's more than that car is worth. My goal was to get the damn thing through one more winter and then go all out and buy something really nice. I may still make it, but I feel like pushing the thing over a bridge.
I do want to take a moment to point you in the direction of Dave's King of Fighters Retrospect. Dave's a recent addition to the GWX staff, and if this feature is any indication, we made a very wise choice.
It's Not Work, It's Fun! Today I was outside cleaning the mound of dog crap uncovered by this weekend's thaw. I'm telling you, for a little pug, Ernie can crap like nobody's business. Anyway, since I was outside I must have gotten in the spring outdoorsy mood so I grabbed a planter, some dirt, and a handful of seeds; basil, spearmint, and oregano. The thing is, I've been doing a lot of cooking lately and store bought herbs just don't do it for me.
Anyway, the whole thing reminded me of this crazy old couple I knew in college. We had a community band in which members of the community (duh!) were allowed to come into the college and play with the students and have concerts. The group was not only good at finding genuinely talented folks living in the community, but also some bona fide freaks. The aforementioned couple belonged to the latter group. They were in their early 50s and were so delusional that they considered themselves to be geniuses. The husband referred to himself as Phillip T. Watchwell and believed he was an expert in physics. The wife named herself the Master Gardener and constantly rambled on and on about her gardening skills. Somehow, I think some of her "knowledge" rubbed off on me, because today when planting my seeds I had all these flashbacks of crazy Bernie and her rantings on PH levels and the proper type of soil.
The beauty of the whole thing is that they both have public access shows. If for some insane reason you're ever in the Stevens Point or Wausau, Wisconsin, be sure to check out "It's Not Work, It's Fun" and "Ride the Planet, with Phillip T. Watchwell."
And kids, stay away from the drugs.
Larry wrote in the other day:
Just curious, but have you ever been to www.theyscrewyou.com? No, it's not porn but it is funny. Check it out. Also, www.loveisadogfromhell.com and www.youmaybenext.com. That last one just pisses me off. This company is pretty much claiming that they OWN the internet and are suing everyone they can find that has ever sold anything online. Craziness.
Ok, let's start at the top. This bit was taken from They Screwed You:
An Austell man is being held in the DeKalb County Jail on charges that he sexually assaulted nine men by performing unnecessary medical exams on them. Jeffrey Bernard Fuller, 35,is accused of performing unnecessary prostate and pelvic exams "for his own sexual gratification."
My lord.
Love is a Dog from Hell appears to be a personal site. Here's a guy looking for love:
The best feeling in the world is sex. The worst feeling in the world is having a gay guy checking you out. My favorite pasttime is sex. I'm looking for good times. You will love me in bed because I'm good
Good luck, buddy.
And finally, I contacted the dipshits at You May Be Next and told them how much advertising revenue Sonny generates here at GWX. They want their 87 cents back.
Battle of the Yards People can be so absurd sometimes.
I was driving with Hilden down Mississippi River Blvd. yesterday and noticed all the signs out in the yards. I'm not sure if it's this way where you people live, but in Minneapolis it seems that everyone is trying to change the opinion of everyone else. As I mentioned last week, I just wish people would mind their own damn business.
So the first sign we see says, "Say No to War in Iraq". Pretty typical sign. I've seen it all over the city. Further down the road I see a sign that says, "Liberate Iraq. Support Our Troops." Ok, makes sense to me. One side has their say, the other has their say. End of story? Of course not. A few doors down I see, "Support Our Troops. SEND THEM HOME!" Ok, now we're just getting carried away. This in addition to the people who are writing "War" under the word "Stop" on every stop sign in town.
Like I said, no one's going to convince anyone of anything. Much like the Jesus Fish vs. the Darwin Fish vs. the "Truth" fish, it's just a stupid waste of the time of idiots. Some people just don't respect the fact that not everyone thinks the way they do so petty little wars like these start.
It's amusing to observe.
Well, our first Xbox Live Sunday just ended and it was a very moderate success. I confess that the turn out was quite low, but we did have several good games. Joe came out in full force and made everybody his bitch. Sonny cried like a little baby everytime he died, needed some health, or someone "stole" his kill. Me? I sucked as usual. No sweat, though. It was still a good time. Props to Raffman for being a great player, a good guy, and a great sport.
If there are any games you'd like to play with the GWX staff via Xbox Live, let us know. We picked MechAssault this time because it seems to be the most popular. However, Ghost Recon or Unreal Tournament are always options. Drop me a line and let me know what you're up for.
REMINDER: GWX MechAssault Sunday! Here's one last reminder for any of you that have missed out on all the previous ones. Tonight is GWX MechAssault Sunday and if you'd like to be a part of the fun, all you have to do is email us your name and Gamertag and have your Xbox online tonight, Sunday the 16th at 8pm Eastern Standard Time. That's 7pm for all you midwesterners and 5pm for all of you on the west coast.
