The Taxman Cometh Through the marvel of modern technology I prepared my taxes online again this year. It should be called "How to Get Back a Couple Thousand Dollars of Your Own Money in Only 20 Minutes", but I can see where brevity would take priority.
If not for the fact that I have a wedding to save for (don't I sound like a well-trained puppy?), there are a million things I could go crazy on with my tax refund. First on the list: a new freaking vehicle. I've been driving the same POS since college and feel a little silly driving around in the damn thing. The speakers are all blown, the passenger door takes two people to open thanks to a dent left some no-note-leaving bastard, I have to pry the gas tank door open, and the windshield has a beautiful crack in it. It's about time, isn't it?
Every so often, Hilden proves herself worthy of the half-hearted friendship I begrudgingly bestow upon her. It's something I don't often admit, but in this case, I guess I'll throw her a bone. [Isnt' it great when I refer to Hilden as a shemale?]
Anyway, Mrs. Hilden introduced me to Home Star Runner, a site that may rival even Penny Arcade as my website of choice - other than GWX, of course. I definitely recommend you check the site out; especially Strong Bad's Email. It has to be the funniest thing I've ever seen. I personally recommend "Dragon", "Japanese Cartoon", "Guitar", and "Sugarbob".
You'll thank me...and in effect, Hilden too...I guess.
It's Good to be Home I've been thinking a lot about Zelda and gaming franchises in general today. Yesterday, I mentioned the "feeling" aspect of classic games. When I booted up Zelda for the first time the other day, a rush of memories from both Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask came flooding back. Miyamoto is a master of bringing out all of these emotions in games. It's something intangible and extremely difficult for me to put into words.
Anyway, while Wind Waker is a truly great game and a definite improvement to the series, I think that perhaps I would have been almost as enamored with the game had it been comprised of the same general look, feel, and quality of Ocarina, much as Majora's Mask did. Again, that's not to discredit Wind Waker at all, but there's something about that journey back to Hyrule that gets me all warm and fuzzy inside. Like revisiting an old friend.
Or something.
Like I said, it's difficult for me to explain, but I'm certain that many of you feel the same way. Write in and tell me what you think of the game and of the Zelda franchise in general. What is it that makes these games so magical?
I've also started up a discussion here in our forums. Feel free to share your impressions of the game.
My E3 registration confirmation just came. HELL YEAH!
Looking into the Eyes of Greatness After playing a solid three hours of Zelda, I can honestly say that my enthusiasm is nothing short of unbridled giddiness. There are great games and then there are classics. A classic is a game that makes you feel something when you play it, and no other series has mastered that art for me better than Zelda.
And for those who still think the look is childish and only meant for kids: stop playing games because you just don't get it. You're just pissing everybody else off with your stupidity.
Forgive me for short updates this week, but I'm sure you understand. I even skipped out on an important staff meeting today because I was too enthralled in the game.
I would also like to direct your attention to the Batman: Dark Tomorrow Review that we have tucked away in the nether regions of the site. You've probably noticed (or maybe you haven't; I don't know) that not many sites are reviewing this piece of crap. Well, luckily for unsuspecting Batman fans out there, I forced myself to play through this disgrace in an attempt to direct you away from it. You can thank me later.
Look at Me! After being forced to watch the Oscars - a farce, the magnitude of which can only be matched by the Grammys - I couldn't help but wretch and undulate in disgust.
Everyone likes to be important, don't they?
Well I'm callin' you out, Hollywood! I'll make the first move by admitting that I'm just a sad little man who updates a daily column that brims with minutia and verbal diarrhea to anyone who listens, much akin to Kevin Smith's infamous Movie Poop Shoot. Perhaps accidentally, a nugget of inadvertant wisdom pops out of my ass, through my fingertips, and onto the screen, but for the most part, I'm a simple jackass.
Now it's your turn, Hollywood. Who would like to volunteer? Julia Roberts, perhaps?
Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let me continue to profess my infatuation with the subtle glory that is the GBA-SP.
Christine came home from working the evening shift last night to find my Cobalt Baby resting gently upon her pillow and myself nuzzled up against it. As she went to move it, my hand grabbed hers in a vice grip at ninja-like speed. As she writhed in pain, her trembling voice begged me to let go, which I did...grudgingly. At that, I gently picked up the pillow on which my GBA-SP slept and transferred it to the living room couch. When I returned to bed, Christine lay trembling in shock at the edge of the bed; her head resting on the mattress where her pillow should have been. I kissed her gently on the head, shut off the lights, and fell asleep.
Ok, you busted me. That story wasn't completely true. I made Christine sleep on the couch.
What the f...?
Oh, one other thing. When I said "Will" yesterday, I meant "Larry". I get you guys confused so give me a break, eh? I'm getting senile in my old age.
Working in a Coalmine I'm a bit gamed out this weekend, if you can believe that. I've finished reviews for Batman: Dark Tomorrow (turd), My Street (eh...it's ok), and the GBA-SP (kicks all the ass). In relation to my purchase of the SP, I've gone back to playing Advance Wars, Metroid Fusion, Castlevania (now that I can see it), and Super Monkey Ball Jr. All damn fine games. All much better with light.
Beyond that, the countdown is on for Zelda, Phantasy Star Online, Tube Slider, Ikaruga, and Golden Sun: The Lost Age. All non-GWX related and all games that I have to find personal time to play.
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta...
Ok, I'm hoping this is the last time we have to go down this road, as you are all aware of how much I love talking politics and religion. [That was sarcasm, in case you missed it]. But Heather has written in again regarding the letter from last week and my response. I suppose this is a response to a response...or something.
Hey hey hey!
First, no I'm not mad at you/offended! Why would I be? Yeah, I wish you beleived in some of the things I did, but I'm not gonna make you or hate you for not beleiving the same things. That's just dumb.
I'll start off with the girl gamers thing... How is this true?
"As far as I know, female gamers aren't that different than male gamers, other than the whole body odor factor."
lol... well female gamers paint their toenails, worry about their clothes, shave our legs, have totally different temperments (you're engaged you know what I mean), and are not ashamed to cry at movies, and since we are talking about girl gamers, games. I don't know about you, but those seem like pretty big differences! Ha ha
"What I wish people would keep in mind is that Bush represents the entire nation and has the entire nations' well being to care for. That includes not only Christians, but also Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Taoists, Hindus, Athiests, Agnostics, etc"
Well, Bush is an American too, and is entitled to freedom of speech. Bush might represent an entire nation, but he is a person who has his own beleifs and should be able to express them no matter of his public office. No matter what his religion, whether it be Islam, Hinduism, Atheism, or Christianity, I think he should say what he believes just to make him appear more personal to the American people.
I wouldn't like games made by Lifetime... good story but no gameplay... doesn't work...
Sorry if I came off angry in this... I was not trying to at all just giving my side again. Thanks for replying! Great site again hahaha
~Heather
Ok, Heather, let's take this from the top, shall we?
1) Thanks for not being offended by my response to your letter. I can't stress how uncomfortable I am talking about that stuff. Alienating readers isn't a pastime of mine, you know?
2) When I mentioned that girl gamers aren't that different from guy gamers, I was speaking in the context of gaming. Outside of gaming, of course, the differences are infinite and nothing I'm going to attempt to understand.
3) As far as Bush being a Christian, sure what the hell. That's his prerogative and something I couldn't care less about. However, like I said, what he must keep in mind is that not all Americans are Christians. So your statement that Bush believes this is what God wants him to do is a dangerous one. Let's keep the will of God out of this and just worry about the will of America. He's acting on behalf of Americans, not just Christian Americans.
4) I was being facetious about the Lifetime Network thing. And no, the stories aren't good. Unless of course you're into one wife-beater movie after another or a behind the scenes, personal look at Celine Dion and her geriatric husband. Doesn't sound like good videogame plot substance to me.
In other news, Will, it looks like more advice has sprung up for your trek to New York City:
I saw that column about the guy looking for an apartment in New York. Like Larry says, you gotta look for a place outside the city. Jersey is a good place to start, in some city across the river. You can take the train to work everyday, it is the best way. Having a car in the city is a disaster. Here's a true story, this is really not made up.
The sister of a buddy of mine moved out and got her own apartment, for $1000 a month. Sounds ok right? Well, she was literally, this is no joke, renting a closet ... in someone else's apartment! Room enough for a bed and a shelf, and she had to go through someone else's place to get to it.
The difference between rent in that city, and rent in a normal town, is a monthly payment on a Lexus and a BMW. Most of the guys I know that live there don't own cars, because it is a waste, and they can't afford it. Yes, living outside the city is the way to go.
I also found a good program for downloading music. It works as well as KaZaa, and does not mess up your computer as much. The two combined are serving me well. It is called "Overnet." I can't remember the web address, I think its just overnet.com.
Anyway, you guys have a great site, keep up the good work.
Thanks, man. Will, I hope that helps.
Have any of you checked out the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles show on Saturday morning? I must say, it's pretty cool in that it's retained the same goofy style of the old series and added an almost Anime feel. In any case, Konami's working on a new TMNT game and has posted this simple, but mildy amusing Flash game. Give it a go. And while you're there, check out the main Konami USA page about half way down. They give a little nod to a certain little website that starts with a "G" and ends with an "X".
