Of Dead Squirrels and Smashed Windows People are pigs. Plain and simple, and I make no apologies for that statement. I am a person, so I suppose I too fall in the category of "pig". I'll accept that.
I spend each and every day minding my own business, trying to carve out a little spot in the world to call my own without disrupting or pissing off the person next to me. I assume that he too is wishing to mind his own business and carve out a little spot in the world to call his own.
Or her. Whatever.
If I'm in traffic, for example, and I see that there is construction ahead which causes a lane to close, I immediately move into the open lane. I'm not one of those dirty pricks who speeds up ahead all the way to the merged area, causing a bottleneck and delaying everyone's commute.
Are you one of those dirty pricks? If so, knock it off.
I'm also not one of those sorry, pathetic bastards who in the middle of the night sneaks over to his neighbor's house and busts a hole in his car window in an attempt to jack whatever's inside. I assume that my neighbor would not appreciate this sort of thing and again, is sound asleep, minding his own business, resting for the next day when he will continue to carve out a spot in the world to call his own.
Or her. Whatever.
The nerve of these pigs astounds me. They bust into Hilden's car in the middle of the night by breaking his driver's side window, and don't even steal anything. And then they're stupid enough to leave their baseball bat and hammer in my front yard.
Pigs.
Anyway, to cheer me up out of my people-hating mood, Heather writes in with another "linky":
Hey John! I have another link I thought I might pass along... Don't be fooled by the appearance... click "watch episodes" and then check this out. It's soooo incredibly funny... I bet you'll like it. ;)
~Heather
Funny stuff, Heather. It had Hilden laughing his ass off last night. You know, before the incident.
Speaking of last night, we did wind up going to Origami last night for the best damn unagi I've ever had. All the sushi there was unbelievable. On the way home we drove through the city with the windows rolled down, the new Radiohead CD at top volume, and little fishies swimming in our tummies.
Jak and Radiohead Sony sent over some preview code for Jak II today and I just played the hell out of it. It's tough writing about preview code because it's not representative of the final game (usually) and if it has glaring problems (which this one most certainly does) it's hard to stay objective.
You'll read my official hands on shortly, but I wanted to say some more about it. The demo is basically the same as what they showed at E3. The first level, Pumping Station, is fairly short and uneventful. It's the second level, Strip Mine, that really frustrated the living hell out of me. Yes, the demo is still early, but damn was it irritating. The framerate bugged out my eyes with its incessant flickering and there was one occassion when I missed a jump and simply floated in mid air. Nice.
Overall, I was hoping they would have thrown some more traditional platforming bits in the demo. I have to admit that the vehicular levels in the first game were my least favorite. Either way, I'm sure the game is going to be decent but this demo didn't provide much evidence of that.
Spin magazine has a cool cover story on Radiohead in its new July issue. Surprisingly. However, as cool as it is, it's not nearly as cool as the new Radiohead album itself. How do I know that?
Ancient Chinese secret.
Seriously, this album verifies the fact that Radiohead is the shit. If you don't like Radiohead or don't "get" Radiohead, it's time to get your head checked. Anyway, the album is in stores on June 10, called "Hail to the Thief", and will blow your mind. In the meantime, check out their website.
And on the other side of the spectrum, in the world of crap music...
Well, Hilden and I are off in search of good sushi. I think we're going to try this place. Wish us luck.
Shamma-Lamma Ding Dong And Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care.
I don't know where you're from, but the weather here in Minnesota is unbelievably gorgeous. So wonderful, in fact, that Christine and I cancelled our plans this evening, invited a couple friends over, and dranks margaritas in the back yard until the sun went down.
We're gonna fly 'dis baby to da mooooooon!
Sorry.
Anyway, the weather is at its perfect stride when it's not too chilly and breezy, yet not unbearably hot like when your ass sticks to your shorts. It's just fantastic.
I mentioned the new site redesign yesterday and how enamored I am with it. We're tooling around with a few additional, last minute bits to it and I thought I might ask you folks what you'd like to see. We're working on things like a search engine and some other fancy features, but those probably won't make this first round of changes. However, if there are any navigational issues you've noticed, or certain things that you'd like to see changed, by all means send your suggestions in. We don't do this stuff for our health, you know.
Will somebody please put Mike Tyson to sleep? Or just rip out his tongue? I remember when I was a kid and Tyson was in his fighting prime. My dad and I used to buy his fights on Pay Per View and I'd watch him kick the living hell out of his opponents. Then he got married to Robin Givens, went on Prozac, became an uber celebrity, and lost his damn mind. Ok, so maybe it was lost to begin with, but damn man. Enough is enough.
"She put me in that state where now I really do want to rape her."
Yeah Iron Mike. That'll really help your PR campaign. That and that killer face tattoo.
Did you guys notice this? Anyway, speaking of Pirates of the Caribbean, we should be getting our hands on some preview code in the coming days and will be working on an updated preview. Katy and Joe enjoyed the demo at E3, and the title really looks promising.
So to wrap up, your homework assignment is to tell us what you'd like to see in the redesign. Results will be graded on a curve.
Giddy I'm excited. No, not in that way. I've just seen a mockup of the new GWX layout and I can barely contain myself. It really looks that good.
Well, at least to me.
I'm itching to show you an image, but the powers that be won't let me. Nazis. Anyway, I've been told that it should be going live in "two weeks, tops." However, in Sonny-speak, that usually means about six months. I'll tell you that it's sleeker, easier to navigate, and a heck of a lot cooler looking. For whatever that's worth.
Moving along, I hate advertisements. 99% of them are ridiculous. I thought I'd share this one with you. I was doing my evening commute and this idiotic ad came on that went a little something like this:
It's summer time, and guys are out doing what they love to do the most...
"Ah yeah. Check out that body"
"I'd love to give that a ride"
"Darn right. Full throttle"
[Sound of a car peeling out. The guys were checking out cars.]
But this summer, guys will be checking out something a whole lot juicier, because guys love Dole fruit juices!
What in the hell? A car commercial, sure. A beer commercial, maybe. But a commercial for freaking fruit juice? I'm no ad executive, but that commercial just put me off Dole products for the rest of the summer.
I'm going to risk giving you this link. I know abortion is a touchy issue, but before you get all over my case for condoning "Post-natal abortion", please make sure you see this image.
Age of Me! For regular readers, I shouldn't have to preface this little ramble of mine with my usual schtick about how I'm not a PC gamer and I have little to no experience in PC gaming. But for those of you who may be out of the loop, see the last sentence.
That being said, Age of Empires II has me by its claws and will not let go. After battling my ass through the Imperial Age, fighting it out against two computer controlled armies who would relentlessly team up on me every five minutes, I finally perservered and now have an army of hundreds, which sits right outside my castle gate, daring anyone to challenge me. Of course, it was also then that I realized I had let my dog out nearly three hours ago. The poor little guy just looked at me like, "You f**ker...didn't you hear me barking?"
Anyway, I should have known better than to pick up the game in the bargain bin, as RTS games have a history of killing my brain. Perhaps it's the whole "playing God" factor, or maybe it's the whole "I just have to upgrade my what's-it's-name so my who's-it's-for is stronger" aspect of the genre. It definitely sucks me in, though.
In other news, Christine and I finally booked our honeymoon today. Barbados here we come! Which reminds me of a bit Jerry Seinfeld told when I saw him live last year. He said something like, "Weddings are the only time you can shake hands with your new father-in-law who says, 'Good job!' knowing that you're off to Barbados for a week of sex with his daughter."
Or something like that.
There's a little under a week left for our Tenchu Contest; although you wouldn't know that by looking at the site. Apparently, Sonny figures that we'll get more participation if people happen to stumble upon the contest while sifting through our archives rather than displaying it where anybody can actually see it.
Either way, send your entries in to X-Communication. We'll have the results on or around June 1st.
Miyuru's Member At GWX we get a lot of SPAM mail. The funny thing is, if a piece of SPAM is sent to one of us, it's sent to all of us. I'll constantly be getting emails saying "Rod, take out that second mortgage" or "Craig, make money at home". Today, I received an email that, unlike the above letters, didn't sound too far off base. Check it out:
Subject: Miyuru, Become The Man That Women Desire
MALE ORGAN ENLARGEMENT
And Pleasure Enhancements
Enlarge your member 1-3 inches in a matter of days!
OR
Enlarge your member 1-3 inches IN 60 SECONDS!!
OR
Attract the opposite sexx,- with real human pheromones!!
OR
Viagraa And More. Weightloss, Sleeping Aids, Pain Relief
Now my question is, if Miyuru could make "Russell the Love Muscle" (as he calls it) larger in 60 seconds, why in the world would he go for the option that takes days? I mean, let's say Miyuru was in bed with a woman. I know, it sounds ridiculous, but this is all hypothetical, of course. Anyway, Miyuru, through some strange rift in the space-time continuum, happens to find somebody willing to have sex with him. She looks down and is not satisfied with what she sees and says, "My pimp has a much larger member than that."
"Well, never fear!" says Miyuru, "I just happen to have this amazing new product that will increase my member by 1-3 inches in a matter of seconds. I'll just use it seven or eight times and we'll be good to go." [Sonny's Note: It would still take a few more hours with that for Miyuru to reach average male size. ...Not that I would know or anything.]
I shouldn't tease Miyuru like that.
While we have the conversation down to gutter level already, I might as well show you this. I don't know about anybody else, but no matter how hot these girls get, my mind still reverts back to images like these from my childhood, and that just creeps me out. So although they will be "Playboy legal" in just 380-odd days, I don't think I'll be checking out that issue.
I hope you all enjoyed your Memorial Day holiday weekends. It always seems to be the weekend that kicks off summer. Friday I had a group of friends over for food, drink, and a good deal of laughs. I know I rip on Hilden a lot, but let me give you an example of why that guy rules. About 6-7 friends are sitting around my yard talking and laughing at about 10:30 at night. One of them has a bottle of Wild Turkey and is daring people to drink a shot. After about 20 minutes, he doesn't get any takers. It seems that not many people like drinking Bourbon that tastes like paint thinner. A couple minutes later, Hilden pulls up in his car, walks over to my yard, and without question, pours himself a heaping shot and slams it down.
