R-E-S-P-E-C-T As Hilden mentioned briefly in his Week in Review, we're having some problems with our neighbors. Having a party in your own lawn, minding your own damn business, and having a good time is one thing. Parking in your neighbor's yard, pissing on your neighbors property, stealing your neighbor's lawn furniture, and finally, pulling a hit and run on your neighbor's car is a whole different ball of wax, and one that I'm not going to deal with.
The police have been ever so helpful as well. Driving through the alley for five seconds, observing the melee, and driving away. Good job, guys. Thanks for the help. It's time to go Batman on their asses.
In "Doh!" news, I completely forgot about the CWJ contest #2. Thanks to you persistent forums members for subtley reminding me.
In case you forgot, the prize was "Haibane-Renmei: New Feathers" on DVD. The question was "What was the single dumbest decision in video game history?" And here is our winner:
My choice for worst decision ever made by a video gaming company... 'eh... lemme think...
I could go with Sega's choice to quit. Or even Ubisoft's choice to ship ShadowBane 75% complete. But I think there's one decision that definitly takes the cake on this one.
Nintendo's choice to dumb Rare. Nintendo drops Rare why? Not enough money, on either side? Rare was, in my opinion, the only thing that saved the N64 from total humiliation. However, there is more to it. Not only did Nintendo drop Rare, Microsoft picked them up. Microsoft understands that once Perfect Dark Zero and the new Conkers come out, as well as more Rare exclusives, Nintendo will be turning over in their grave, that they dug. Nintendo's decision to drop Rare was harsh and irrational, and many it affected many people. Not only were gamecube owners completely distraught, Xbox owners rejoiced. Even some Gamecube owners bought the Xbox after the drop of Rare.
So in my opinion, Nintendo's decision to drop Rare was the worst decision ever. The only thing I can think of that competes to it is Square's opinion to include Wakka in any game or Konami's decision to not continue production of CastleVania: Symphony of the Night.
~Donald Ridgeway.
Ok, Donald, while the jury's still out on the wisdom in Nintendo's move (I personally say "good riddance to a tired company"), you certainly provided the most thoughtful answer to my question. Email me your address and I'll get your prize out to you ASAP.
Which reminds me: Raffman, I swear your copy of Heat Guy J is coming. Life's been hectic with funerals, camping trips, and whooping on the asses of ghetto trash neighbors. I'm sorry for the wait. I'll get right on it.
Time to load up the shotgun and sit in my back yard.
Love is in the Air It's a seductress. A temptress. Nothing makes me happier than seeing one of our own in love.
I see a lot of interesting posts on our forums. Some make me laugh. Some make me wretch. Some make me want to scream with disgust. This one brings a tear to my eye.
Mr. Xtreme is in love. He loves her smell, her hair, her laugh, and her eyes.
I felt that way about a fish once. Our eyes met from across the Lincoln County Fairgrounds. Foghat was playing in the background and the lights from the Tilt-a-Whirl were glistening off her bowl.
Our eyes locked. She blew bubbles.
I had to have her.
I laid my money down on the table and the three-toothed carnie gave me my two ping-pong balls. A striking metaphor if there ever was one. I tossed once. Twice. Both times my balls rattled out of the bowl and onto the ground. I dug deep into my pocket, praying for more money. Jackpot! I had two more dollars.
I licked the cheese curd grease from my fingertips. My little mermaid stared through the bowl at me nervously. Her anticipation must have been overwhelming.
My first toss was a miss. I grabbed the Judas Priest tapestry I had just won in the balloon toss and used it to wipe my brow.
"Give up?", snarled the carnie?
"You've got another thing comin'", I replied.
The ping pong ball seemed to hover in the air. Time stood still as we felt the earth spin on its axis. The sound of poor white trash and welfare babies muted for what seemed to last a lifetime. I could hear nothing but my nervous system humming throughout my body.
Sploosh.
I had won her. My glorious fish. As I strolled down the midway, gazing through the plastic bag into her eyes, I realized I had found true love.
So yes, Xtreme, I too know what it feels like to have loved. Alas, due to dirty water and overfeeding, I also know what it's like to have flushed.
Freebies My intent yesterday was not to invite hoardes of happy wishes or to draw attention to myself and my birthday. I'm a big fan of a low-key birthday, spent with a couple of friends, Christine, and my dog. And that is how I spent it. Oh, Hilden was there too.
That being said, thanks to all who wrote in wishing me a happy birthday. I really appreciate it. Here are a couple letters:
Well, asuming because you said you turned 27 on July 10, 2003. I would like to wish you a happy birthday. Stay cool, but in your case, that's no probelm.
Bahamut
Word to that, my man. No problem at all. I'll turn up my collar and roll a pack of cigarettes in my sleeve right now.
By the way, Sir Bahamut, sorry for not posting your last letter. At GWX we have what we call "The Phantom Email Service" where letters appear and disappear at random and it makes for an interesting method of communication.
Hey man,
First and foremost, happy birthday! Keep up the great work with CWJ and being an adult (shudder).
Here's a link I've had lying around for eons. I'm not sure if I ever sent it, or if I gave it to Sonny, or something. Anyway, this would be the URL. Other than the terrible game reviews, they have some pretty...interesting...articles and whatnot. I might reccomend the Rock 'n Roll section.
Anyway, have a great birthday, now go eat some cake.
Will The Dee'M
I'm not sure what "The Dee'M" means, but I'm sure it's some sort of hip, suburban slang that an old fart such as myself isn't privy to. If you'd like, you can call me "The Bee'M". Get it? BM? Eh, eh?
Losing one's sense of humor is the first sign of old age, I think.
Anyway, moving on to that link of yours, that's some - um - interesting stuff. This article in particular in which Mr. Menconi compares listening to "secular" music with listening to the words of Hitler. Talk about your disjointed logic.
But rather than getting into a whole thing here, let's just move along, shall we? Our very own Brendon Hivner dropped me a line to commend my view of Johnny Depp.
Just read CWJ. It's about fucking time someone starts appreciating Depp as an actor! I thought I was the only one.
I reccomend seeing From Hell (Jack the Ripper story), and Sleepy Hollow. Just two examples of how no matter what role you hand him, he can do it. Not only that, but it seems that he enjoys and is even better when doing period pieces.
Word.
Word indeed. I own both of the movies Brendon recommended and I second his recommendation. Now you have no choice but to see those movies, do you? Depp's portrayal of Hunter S. Thompson in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was another brilliant role and remains one of my favorite movies. I've never delved heavily into the world of drugs, but having seen that movie, I've got a pretty good idea of what it's all about.
It looks as though our resident Boy Wonder, Sonny Uppal even wants to get in on the action. He sent over this story in which it appears that God has finally given us a "sign". Luckily the Almighty's sense of humor didn't extend to killing any of the parishioners.
And I've saved the best for last. Rod has a way of finding some of the most bizarre, yet entertaining links on the web. This is one such link. Click, sit back, and enjoy.
Hilden and I are off to see The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen this evening. I think Sean Connery is invincible. I really do. This guy is in his 70s and could very well kick the crap out of me with one arm tied behind his back. Of course, I poop at regular intervals. So I guess I've got that going for me.
Of Sausages and Pirates There are times when I have to say that I'm embarrassed to have lived in Wisconsin for 22 of my 27 years. Ok, so I probably say that all the time. I mean, this is the state with the highest rate of alcoholism and teen pregnancy in the nation. And with the cheese shaped hats, sausage costumes, trailer parks, and inbreeding, it's just too much for me to take. There are other times when I can really see the humor in a Wisconsin incident and say, "That could only happen in Wisconsin."
This story is one such incident. Sausage mascot ambushed at Brewers game. Now that's a great headline.
Hilden, Christine, and I went to Pirates of the Caribbean last night and I have to tell you that it was one of the best movies I've seen in ages. No, it won't win any Oscars, and it did contain all the elements of a summer blockbuster, but the movie was extremely entertaining and I heartily recommend it to all.
Johnny Depp continues to fascinate me with the roles he takes on. From Edward Scissorhands to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, that mofo can act and I'll see any movie that has his name on it. He created an extremely amusing and memorable character with Captain Jack Sparrow and this is one blockbuster that is begging for a sequel. Enough of that Charlie's Angels B.S.
So I'm 27 today. With each passing year, the tendency is to reflect upon the past year, or maybe even the extent of one's life. Ten years ago I was entering my senior year of high school. Five years ago, my senior year of college. I'm getting to be an old fart and I can feel it in my old, creaking bones. If I feel old now, I can't imaging what I'll feel like when I'm 50.
Oh, I would be remiss if I didn't mention this website. They played an ad for it during the previews at the theater last night and Hilden and I immediately thought the same thing: Sonny. So, little buddy, when that girl tries to pressure you into letting her make you a man, remember to say, "Not yet."
Britney Popped? Sorry for the lewd subject line, but I just couldn't think of a better title for this tidbit of useless information. If you're offended, I apologize for that blunt object that must be stuck squarely up your ass.
Apparently the "clean" Miss Spears has announced to the world that she is no longer a virgin and did in fact have sex with wussy-boy and known bed-wetter Justin Timberlake, despite his femininity and her vow to stay a virgin until she weds. In her defense, she was just certain that they would be married and having sex with him was just a pre-emptive strike, as it were.
"I've only slept with one person my whole life," she said. "It was two years into my relationship with Justin, and I thought he was the one. But I was wrong!"
Yeah, Britney, I made that mistake in High School. A few times. And then again in college. A few more times.
She went on to say, "I need my single time to learn to be self loving."
Well in that case, Brit, let me direct you to this site. That should take care of all your "self loving" needs.
[Don't click that last link unless you're 18.]
So here's to the last American Virgin...well...except for Sonny...
Excerpts I'm sure some of you wonder what goes on behind the scenes of a video game website. Or maybe you don't. Either way, I thought I'd pull a few quotes from an actual GWX meeting to shed some light on the powers that be. Now remember, these are actual, word-for-word quotes:
"F**k that. It's not interesting and nobody f**king cares."
"I've got an idea: 'Biting Boners with Brian.'" "How about 'Slapping Ho's With Sonny?'"
"I got kicked out of Wal-Mart the other night for playing Hide and Go Seek"
"Hmm...we need a pothead named Tony. Dude, you know how many gamers are potheads? They could relate to him."
And so on, and so forth. These meetings go on like this for what seems like days and days. It's no wonder nothing ever gets done.
Hilden passed along a fairly amusing link earlier today and I thought I'd share it with you all. So there. Consider it passed.
My Hwang Still Burns As you may have read, I'm not a big fan of pre-ordering games. Especially when it's an obvious attempt at creating shortages to boost demand. However, when they offer such great incentives for games I'm going to buy anyway, how can I resist?
So I've gone and done it; pre-ordered my Soul Calibur II for GameCube. After all, I've been preparing for this game for months. I've got a friend who works at Namco who will be sending me the PS2 and Xbox versions as well. I also own the Hori Controller for the Cube, so I won't have to worry about that ridiculous D-Pad. I'll save those worries for the Xbox version. And now that it's been confirmed that Hwang will indeed be appearing in SC2, I can fire up the Dreamcast and start practicing.
Life is a bowl of cherries.
The news of Hudson and Red teaming up to resurrect old PC Engine/Turbografx-16 games in Japan really has my nipples tingling. I already mentioned the news that Bonk will be appearing on GCN in Japan, but more and more games seem to be popping up as well. Naturally, the Turbo fanboy in me is bursting out of his shell.
There was really no point to that last bit. Just a random thought.
On a business related note, Craig Harwood has left the site to join the staff of a European PlayStation magazine. It's a big step for him and I wish him all the luck in the world. What this means for you is that GWX has an opening for a European Correspondent. Your job will be to fill Craig's shoes and write up our Across the Pond feature, as well as fill the site with any important Euro news. If you're interested in applying, click here or email me with any questions.
Faint of Butt I've really got nothing for you this evening. I did talk to Hilden earlier and he giggled like a little girl over the clever picture that he stuck in the entry below. Gosh he's hilarious.
Under Attack I mentioned yesterday how the nefarious Lady H has taken a bit of creative license with his new position here at GWX. Posting a picture of me with breasts and a backpack in his Week in Review was all well and good. I conceded that I have been a little rough on him in the past without a great deal of provocation, and therefore would allow him to continue with his somewhat amusing attempts at vengence. But sabotaging this column with a drawing of me wearing an "I Love Boys" T-Shirt (see below) is really testing my patience.
Again, I'll allow him to get the vengence and spiteful demons out of his system. I assume that it must be somewhat amusing to view pictures of me with breasts and kooky T-Shirts with clever comments written on them. I've started the terror of the Red Menace, and for now, I will live with the monster that I've created. But let's hope the artist behind these masterpieces realizes that after a certain point, we will be even. Beyond that point, it's fair game.
Every now and then I consider growing a beard. Not one of those little pussy goatees like this jackass, but some sort of ZZ Top, Grizzly Adams type thing. Then I realize how ridiculous it would be. First of all because it would take me about thirty years. Secondly, because I'm about as rugged as a pair of silk panties.
Well, after four long, sweaty days somewhere in Northern Wisconsin, I've made a startling discovery: sleeping on the ground, waking up with a thick film of sweat/dew covering your face and sand/dirt in every crevice of your body, eating nothing but greasy pork products, and spending each day staring at the dirt for lack of something better to do really isn't that fun after all.
I'm not joking. Try it yourself and see.
I've also come to the conclusion that if trying to take a dump in a 100+ degree campsite restroom after four days of said pork products with dirty trailer-trash kids who don't understand the concept of a locked bathroom stall trying to bust in isn't at least the fifth layer of hell, I need to start going to church because there's no way I'm going to make it down there.
Was the trip really that bad? It depends who asks me. If Christine asks, no, it wasn't that bad and I actually had a fair amount of fun. If any of the other five billion people in this world ask, I would rather have spent the weekend watching Hilden paint his body like Simba and do interpretive dance while Hakuna Matada loops constantly in the background for four days.
Speaking of Hilden, it appears that in my absence, he has taken a bit of creative license with his new position here at GWX. For the record, when I dress myself up like Lara Croft, which is only on special occassions, I make the breasts much bigger. The ones you see in Lady Hilden's illustration are barely larger than my actual breasts, therefore hardly a tribute to Ms. Croft at all.
So take that, Mr. Smartypants.
We'll let him have his fun for a while. It's only fair that he have a chance to answer the endless amount of abuse I've dished up for the past few months.
I spent the last day of this "holiday" weekend recuperating, which included a long, hot shower and a five hour nap in an actual bed. I'm not sure how people derive pleasure from spending days in a campsite, with nothing to do but play hours and hours of mini golf, visiting the local fishing museum, and driving down busy highways seeing people - not more than two miles from a gas station - pull their cars to the side of the road, jump out, and relieve themselves in front of a parade of vehicles.
