|
|
Cooking with John, Week of 9/7/03
Men in Black
Johnny Cash is dead. It’s terrible news as over the years he’s continued to put out great music despite his age and illnesses. I’m a big fan of his and plan to spend the rest of the day playing through my collection of his albums. I won’t spend a great deal of time on his death here, because I’m sure many other sources will do a much better job of it than I. However, I will say that “feel” plays a big part in music. Feel and authenticity. Johnny Cash was the embodiment of both.
In other news, this is our new Batman:
I have to say that I’m quite impressed with their choice. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Christian Bale, he’s the guy who starred in American Psycho, one of the more truly deranged films I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching. I’m seeing some great potential for the next Batman film as it seems their trying to get away from the glitz and big-budget bullshit that eventually killed off the franchise in the nineties. Nothing says disaster like casting Arnold as Mr. Freeze. Anyway, the new film is said to be based on the first years of Batman and follows his development as the world’s greatest detective. Most exciting for me is the fact that it’s being directed by Christopher Nolan, director of the incredible “Memento”. Now we’re talking.
Sorry for being a Bat-dork. That’s just my flava.
Let me tell you, nothing can piss a man off like playing 2 ½ hours of Final Fantasy Tactics Advance only to have the power in his Game Boy Advance run out, causing the unit to unexpectedly shut down. I know, I should have saved the mofo sooner, but I was in a zone, man. So at 1am, I’m lying there in the dark and the screen zaps off. I can only imagine Christine’s surprise to being awoken by me yelling “MOTHERF**KER!”
Eight more days.
John
Pasty
My skin tone is of the milky white variety. This is not only due to my predilection for sitting on my ass all summer long playing video games. I'm just one of those unfortunate souls who can spend an entire day outside under the sun and still come inside with whiter than white skin.
It's a curse.
In a little over a week, I'll be on a tropical beach and Christine is convinced that unless I go to a tanning salon, I'll be baked like a lobster. So this evening, I get to walk into an unfamiliar place, put a sock on my dink, and attempt to change the color of my skin.
How is it that we get ourselves into these situations? And by "we" I mean "me", and by "ourselves" I mean "myself".
Speaking of stupid things that people do, I hate watching professional "wrestling". In fact, the whole thing is a bunch of idiotic, redneck, meatheaded, trailer park trash bullshit. And quite frankly, I think the whole thing has a very homo-erotic quality that kind of creeps me out. I mean, look at this image located on the front page of this very website and tell me that doesn't look just a little...kinky.
I used to watch wrestling every Sunday morning when I was a kid. A kid. I was even known to check out a pay-per-view event from time to time. But then I saw Randy "Macho Man" Savage doing a Slim Jim commercial and realized just how stupid these people actually were. One step from doing porno.
Story #1
Story #2
and finally...
Story #3
John
Peetering
In the days leading up to my wedding (11 to go), I'm afraid you'll be seeing this space less and less occupied. I apologize for this in advance, but as the event draws nearer I lose more and more of my life. It seems that fifteen minutes can't go by without me making last minute arrangements with the caterer (what kind of caterer doesn't have dishes?), teaching an organist how to play, or wrestling with a bastard violin professor into hiring out one of his string quartets.
I've tried not to discuss it too much here in our little idiot's haven, but the truth of the matter is that my life has consisted of little else. Therefore, the subject matter with which I have to write these little love letters is fairly slim. I'll make do with what I can, however, and in the meantime, I encourage you to write in and spare me from having to agonize over how the hell I'm supposed to update this bastard daily without boring the shit out of you with wedding details.
There have been a few news stories that have caught my eye recently. This one in particular has to be my favorite of the day. I'd say that if there was a way to do this safely and effectively, I'd be more than happy to stick myself into a crate and ship my ass across country. Hell, it would sure beat paying ridiculous airfares.
But this guy was just so proud of himself that he had to jump out of the crate and scare the crap out of the delivery man. That's the best.
Everyone's favorite spooky freak - and the man responsible for turning thousands of shy, tubby, insecure white kids into shy, tubby, insecure, and ugly white kids - Marilyn Manson was in town this past week. Apparently, the goofy goblin upset a security guard by grabbing the guard's face and rubbing it into his crotch.
In a statement, Manson thanked the jury for "[seeing] the difference between entertainment and assault."
Yeah...
Obviously, the security guard didn't find having his head used for a humping pillow very "entertaining".
And now, I'm off to play some Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. Oh, and I'll be announcing the N-Gage contest winner in the next couple of days. If you care to win a free copy of Ninja Scroll: Volume 1 on DVD, write in soon.
John
It's Been Long
So here we are. Another weekend gone and a new week to begin. So many times you and I have sat here and ranted about this and that, but mostly that. It's good to have you here, as Cartman would say.
Let's get rolling, shall we?
Brian writes in to comment about the friend I have only out of guilt and a feeling of obligation:
Holy shit dude! I knew a girl and the same thing happened to me. She sat next to my in social studies and english so i talked to her a lot. she was so messed up. she drew on paper the whole day and did no work (drew anime-type animals and such). One day she came in really sad and started telling me about her turtle that just died, and asked me what happens when they die. she would always tell me about stuff in her life as if i knew what she was talking about. Pretty insane that one. I dont know what happened to her... she mightve gotten held back. thank god she didnt know my email address or AIM
-Brian
Yes, thank the lord for that. See, I've discovered that the secret is to move someplace and not tell the person where you've gone. I've thrown across countless hints, including not calling, not replying to emails, etc. But somehow, it lingers. I know, I shouldn't be a pussy and should take the direct approach. But damn it, I hate confrontation. So as a result, I'll probably be bitching about this twenty years from now.
Ken writes regarding the N-Gage:
Well Lord John, I figured I would give you some formal feedback about your N-Gage report so here goes. I am camping it out. I do not have a cell phone or Mp3 player. Some may call me deprived, yet I have done fine without either one. I think... wait.. I know that putting the game through the battery or what not just a pain in the arse and like you said could have come up with something better. They really have no games that would make buy the system andthe price tag just hurts it even more. I do though think it is a good idea for people who play games once in a blue moon, not really owning a lot of games just a few to play when they are bored, and using it heavily for phone and Mp3 and e-mail stuff. Now that I just got through writing this I might not even camp it out. I probably just won't buy one. I'd rather buy a cube and 3 games instead of that thing. Well maybe time will change my mind, or someone else. Stay cool (even though that is no prob for you) and I am still looking for Bonk 3. My leads to finding a copy are coming back into the light so I'll see what I got. Best of luck to you and your Fiancee.
First of all, Ken, I love you and all but it kind of freaks me out when you call me "Lord John". "Grand Master of All Living Beings" will do just fine. I'll even let you shorten it to GMALB or "Gomalib" if you'd like.
Anyway, back to the N-Gage, if you don't have a phone/MP3 Player/ass wiper, and are just fine in not having one then I'm all for forgetting about the N-Gage. You'll be quite satisfied with your GBA, which you should have with or without an N-Gage.
You do have a GBA, don't you?
This afternoon, I witnessed the Minnesota Vikings scrape out a victory over the Packers, much to my dismay. Let me qualify that statement as I don't want you to mistake me for a cheesehead. I've had to listen to Minnesota Viking, and resident moron, Chris Hovan rant on and on about Brett Favre all summer long; even going as far as to exhibit WWE-style behavior by wiping his ass with a Favre jersey. My interest in seeing the Vikings get clobbered was for the sole purpose of shutting that moron up. Now we get to watch him gloat. Yippee.
I love football season. While I'm not necessarily a big football fan - I generally couldn't care less who wins - it is a great time to hang out with friends on a Sunday afternoon. Also, Football season kicks off my Autumn, and I am a sweatshirt man.
Oh yes I am.
I mentioned a while back that I put Christine on a special RPG program beginning with Paper Mario. That was five months ago. She is still playing Paper Mario. Still stopping every five minutes to ask me what she needs to do next, although I've never played the damn game. I was planning on buying her Mario & Luigi this winter, but at this rate the GameCube 4 will be out by the time she finishes Paper Mario.
And finally, a hearty "CONGRATULATIONS" to Joe Mackie and Katy Wickman. You may remember Joe as one of GWX's most prominent staff members over the years and Katy as a frequent contributor to the site. Well, those crazy kids got engaged last week and we'd like to wish them all the luck in the future.
Speaking of which: 13 days and counting.
John
Last Week
Feature by John Luedtke
|
|
|
