Please Note: The opinions expressed in this feature are the authors’ own and do not necessarily represent GamingWorld X as a whole. If you are under 21 years of age, please do not drink. If you do drink, please drink responsibly. In other words, don’t do something stupid and blame it on us.
You know it, you love it – well, maybe you don’t love it, but hey, it’s back. So much has happened in the last week that it’s tough for us to know where to start. Drinking turns people into crazy bastards, and this week, we’d like to give some respect to our favorite crazy drunk bastard of the week, Steve Irwin, a.k.a. the Crocodile Hunter.
At least he had the presence of mind to throw the chum at the croc and not the baby.
But enough about Irwin’s Michael Jackson-like behavior, let’s get down to business with the Drunken Mailbag!
A few weeks ago, the Drunken Gamers handed out the Second Annual GWX Awards. And as we would have expected, our choices spurred a bit of controversy. Let’s take a moment to look over some of our more entertaining letters.
Heya, I've written in a few times before, hell, I even won a contest, and while I've always been one to not participate in discussions and things of the like, thought I might as well chime in here.
I was reading the awards thing, and you even said to send in opinions and what-have-you, so I am. While for the most part of the list I can't really talk, what me just getting a gamecube a week before christmas, and not having a PS2 (yet, though I think I may buy one today JUST for Monster Rancher 4. ) I disagree with the top 4 games. While I haven't play Wario I can't imagine it being better then KotOR, Viewtiful Joe, or Prince of Persia. But even with those three, I think you got it mixed up.
Prince of Persia was totally an amazing game, don't get me wrong. But I just can't see naming it best game of the year. I've never played a PoP game before (Maybe that's one of the reasons why I disagree) but the game only took me 6 hours and 57 minutes to complete. If the game was longer I could see giving it GotY, but it wasn't, and that was my first time through. Viewtiful Joe as well, I bought a gamecube for that and a few other key games... but I didn't see why it was so critically aclaimed. It's fun as hell, but it was a tad short again first time through, and well... not #2 game of the year worthy. KotOR on the other hand I think should definitly be GotY. That's the first game ever that's made me sit there in awe from the story alone. Not only that, it had a lot of customization as far as what path to take and what to do here and there. It's a game that I totally can see myself playing through a few times.
Those are just my two (three?) cents.
~Don
John: Alright Don, we get it. You like KOTOR. And you know what? So do we. It’s a remarkable game, and nothing gets us giddy in the shorts like the thought of a Star Wars game that rivals the first three movies in coolness. (Do I need to make a joke about Hilden’s mom here?)
To be completely truthful with you, I was actually leaning towards giving Wario Ware game of the year. See, with me, it’s not how long it lasts, it’s the quality of the experience.
Dammit…I left myself wide open…
Hilden: And according to Christine, you manage neither. Yeah, you’re right. Too easy.
I’d have to agree with John on this one. There have been many games out there that imitate a Kevin Costner movie experience. The movies are long, epic and full of nice looking scenes but I’d rather donate both my kidneys than sit through Dances with Wolves again. Many games that tout their lengthy quest could have saved us all the trouble and given us six hours of GOOD gameplay.
Wario Ware and Viewtiful Joe may be short, but they are powerful gaming moments and one you shouldn’t miss or write off due to length.
John: Just like you told your last girlfriend.
Yeah…too easy.
Brian writes:
Hey alchoholics!
I noticed Fire Emblem for GBA was listed as a "sleeper" hit. I really don't think it is a sleeper game at all. I would imagine that it's a pretty well selling title right now.
a) It is a Fire Emblem game, something that Nintendo gamers have dreamed most about since SSBM's release besides Hilden's mom. b) Intelligent Systems developed the huge hits Advanced Wars and Advanced Wars 2: Black Hole Rising... along with it being produced with Nintendo. c) Reviews and stuff show that it's good, so I would imagine many (especially strategy and role-playing gamers) would want it.
Has it really been selling poorly? I'm too lazy to check anywhere if it is, but I don't imagine it would be for those reasons.
-Brian
John: I’m not even going to look at the sales figures. Just because Brian was cool enough to throw in a joke about Hilden’s mom, I have to wholeheartedly agree with his letter, regardless of its accuracy.
Hilden: Listen you cock sucking whores, you don’t even know my mom! Ok, ok, I’ll let it go this once and get back to the topic at hand.
I have nothing to go on except the reviews I’ve read. I don’t own Fire Emblem and it’s on a low priority list next to Mario and Luigi, but I’ve heard it’s a great game. I’ve heard it touted as one of the best role playing games for the system.
By all means, check it out and let us know what you think. And stay away from my mom, you sick bastard.
Random Insults We would like to introduce you to a new segment known as “Random Insults”. If somebody in the media, gaming industry, or anywhere else pisses us off, this is our forum to give them hell.
The source of this week’s rage is a few weeks old, but with the holidays, we let it slip past our hate radars. This week’s random insult goes to Christopher Byron from the New York Post, who in an incredible act of irresponsible journalism equated what Take 2 Interactive has done by releasing Grand Theft Auto to molesting 10,000 children. His exact quote was:
”This is 10,000 times worse than the worst thing anybody thinks Michael Jackson ever did to a little boy.”
So let’s get this straight, Mr. Byron, a parent purchasing a plainly labeled “M” rated game for his/her child makes Take 2 Interactive guilty of playing hide the sausage with 10,000 little boys?
Mr. Byron, we’ve heard some stupid things in our time but this one takes the cake but we're not interested in the views of face-painted, Rodeo clowns with fence-impacted brain damage.
Christopher Byron, we say to you: You are a preposterously uncouth slattern and a petty, flea-infested mass of neuroses and pathologies.
And if that doesn’t work out for you, try this: I swear, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'll finger-fuck your eye sockets, get a bowling ball grip on your pumpkin head, and throw you back into the gutter where you belong
Once again we bring you Pissed Up at the Movies. For this segment, we sit through a hideous movie and let you now how many shots it’ll take for the average person to enjoy it. Could it be that even cleavage can’t save a bad movie? Say it isn’t so! Xenon Pictures’ Baberellas could have indeed make it so. The plot is as follows: An evil alien ruler plots to harness the sexual energy of earth’s population and use it to destroy the planet all in the name of her highly rated intergalactic TV show. Join the Baberellas, an all-girl band, as they embark on one of the wildest adventures this galaxy has ever seen! Drool in amazement as these ladies battle a devious yet alluring queenapon that combines boom with bust. You won’t believe your eyes as this sexy sci-fi spoof gets you ready to blast off! Thank God the Earth needs to be saved!
John:The answer to the above question – you know, the one about cleavage – is no. Enough T&A can save even the worst movie, including this one. Having to sit through phallic-shaped spaceships, Libido-meters, and some of the worst acting and lip-synching ever put to film is all worth while, as long as those massive mammaries keep showing up. Bring ‘em on!
Hilden: Man, you’ve only been married for, what, four months now? Already the man is talking about massive mammaries on a crappy B-grade video. Too many nights getting frozen out of the bedroom for not listening to your ladies “needs”.
Truth be told, nothing could make this piece of crap tolerable. Maybe if you’re twelve and manage to have grown tired of the Sears catalog for all your…..extra curricular activities. How in the hell people can make money on this crap is beyond me. Wait, I forgot that half the male college population manages to still BE twelve. That’s why they made fraternities. So they could all hang together and rent movies like Baberellas. Nevermind.
John: I expected that sort of response from the president of the Cher Fanclub. You don’t have to be twelve or pent-up to enjoy a little flesh. And for that, I give this movie one shot. You know, just to loosen things up a bit. John’s Score: One Shot
Hilden: Yeah, with all those nights on the couch I’m sure you need to loosen things up quite often. Just make sure you alternate hands.
You don’t have to be twelve or pent up, just an adult to understand a bad movie that should never have been made. Five shots just to tolerate the foul story, bad acting and sad attempt to sell a movie with T and A. Oh, and the music was awful too. Hilden’s Score: Five Shots
The Real GWX This week we’ll once again introduce you to a member of the GamingWorld X staff. Paul is our senior member of the staff, and by senior, we mean “oldest”. He also has a strange friend that none of us have ever seen.
Enjoy!
Goodnight, Ladies and Gentlemen!
Well, that concludes yet another week of Drunken Gamers. Aren’t you lucky to have us here week after week? No? Ah well. We’ll be here next week, you unappreciative bastards!
